The holidays can be so complicated and I wish that they weren’t. Until now, I’ve been able to manage getting my Christmas shopping done and attend family get-togethers without any internal drama. However, over the past couple of days I’ve been noticing myself slipping into the overwhelm of not feeling like anything I’m doing is “enough.”
Seeing the consumption behaviors of others makes me feel like I’m not doing enough—for others or myself. Lately I’ve just been feeling like I don’t have the right clothes, my Christmas list wasn’t right/aligned with what other people want, I didn’t get the right gifts for others, I don’t have the right decorations. Spiral. Spiral. Spiral.
Of course, I have this urge to dart out of the house, ditch my responsibilities for the day (math review for my big exam tomorrow) to fill this identity void. If I spend the money, obtain the cream-colored henley button-down sweater I’ll feel better right? The thoughts like: “I need to find something to wear to see The Nutcracker with my mom tomorrow, so I’ll just pick up a few of the things I’m wanting while I’m already out. It’s the Holidays!” are taking up all of my mental real estate. When will it ever be enough?
Comparison is the thief of joy, and although I know that’s the truth, it doesn’t make the urge to compare myself to others less loud.
